I just wanted and sit down and write. Get everything out of my head. I have laid awake the past couple of nights with sooo many things running through my head.

Wow we got hit with a nasty cold in our house this past week. Baby JA started with it, then me, then Brett, now JB is starting with it. It totally wiped Brett & I out. We just wanted to sleep and do nothing. I am on the rebound. I am starting to feel better I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get it again.

It's Fall. I get an itch at this time of the month to craft. The only problem is that I only have a month from today to get it all done. I have two craft shows next month. I will post pictures of what I make. I don't sew, paint, or arrange flowers. I am a paper crafter. I love what you can do with scrapbook paper. So I will spend many late nights, and long days sitting at my craft table.

As you can tell I started this post a couple of days ago. I am finally finishing it.
We may have found a place to live. It's in Lindon. Brett is willing to drive. I am excited and hoping we get it. I need to send the application in tonight. It's a top half of a house. It's 700 sq ft bigger than what we are in now. So I know we can't stay there forever. I am thinking it will be a transition. place until Brett knows what he is doing and we know where we will be the next lets say 10 years. My dream would be back home or close to it. But I think I will manage for a bit longer in the bigger cities. I am so excited but scared at the same time.
I am not good at change. I get too many thoughts running trough my head and I go crazy. I am scared for my kids and me. Why? Well, I am not the greatest at approaching people. I am nervous to talk to people I don't know. It takes me forever and then once I get to know you, hold on to your butts... haha This has come from a long time of self consciousness. I hated talking to people, talking in front of people, and socializing. I always thought that the person or persons were talking behind my back, or they would make fun of me. This comes from years of teasing and people being fake towards me only to find out they were being fake. So I know I am 30 and have moved on but isn't it amazing how things can affect you your whole life. For my kids, well, this is what they have known most of their lives it's going to be a big change that they cant just go outside and play with all the neighbor kids, that we don't have a playground in our back yard. But, I have to put my best foot forward, one step at a time. It will all work out in the end. right?
I will miss what I have here at the village. But, we can't stay here forever.
The other thing on my mind is my b@@bs. Yes that is what I said. I am ready for them to be mine again. But, they are baby JA's comfort and binki at night. I am ready and willing. It's just doing it. It's making the time and wanting to be up all hours of the night and her crying, and me hurting. But, I need them back. I hope she will understand.
Life is so crazy I blink and my kids have grown up so fast. I still can't believe my baby is 1 years old. They are amazing kids. I have been working on being a better mom. I don't want to yell, spank and criticize them. So I have been using a nice voice and different forms of punishment. ( I promise the spanking isn't a beating) I had a complete come apart the other day towards JB and all I could think of was me being a little girl and the same thing happening to me. Then to see how I have turned out and all the help I needed. I apologized very fast and I have tried better all week. I am trying to make our home a happy home, a spiritual home, a place of comfort.
sorry this is just a blah blah blah post. but I just needed to write. bye