Milestones..... (it's a long one, caution pictures may be disturbing to some)

In August 2005 I found out that I was expecting. We were so excited. I couldn't wait to meet this new little person. I was happy because I knew this is what I wanted, I knew this is what I needed to do. I needed to provide a home, family, life for this spirit. I was hoping for a baby girl. They say they are the funnest. Brett and I went to have the 20 week ultrasound. I couldn't wait to find out what I was having... A Boy they said. I was sad that it wasn't a girl. But glad, cause my sister was having a boy also. They could be bestfriends.... The Tech said she would be back the Dr needed to look at the pictures. I was laying on the table talking to Brett. We were laughing cause everyone of his sibilings first born is a Boy. All of a sudden there were 5 people in the room. Looking at my baby. I grabbed Brett's hand and the worrying feeling overwhelmed me. They said that they were having a hard time getting a good picture of the baby's heart. I thought it might be because he was a very active baby. Well, they finally got the Picture. They took us into one of those small little rooms that you know isn't good. They told us that the baby may have a hole in his heart. They were sending us over to Primary Childrens to have their cardiologists take a look. There is stone number 1.....

We left the hospital feeling hopeless, concerned, confused, sad, worried, and wondering. I remember I felt lost. Should I be excited or should I be sad. It was a very quiet ride home. Brett took the rest of the day off. We just sat on the couch speachless.... Then the phone started ringing because family new we should be done by then. It was time to face reality. After talking to our families and some friends we knew we needed to go on and put into our Heavenly Fathers hands. We held a fast that weekend. We went to Primary's the next week. They had some better news. What the baby had was Congenital Heart Defect.... It was fixable and the child should be able to live 30 - 40 years. But, we were not completely sure until he gets here. So I planned a for a living child that I would raise as my own. What an amazing gift my Heavenly Father would send me. To have that much faith in me to raise one of his Special Spirits. I was happy. I went in for regular ultrasounds, and was ready to have this baby. We decided on his name soon after we found out it was a boy. JBS... You can guess if you don't already know.

On April 10, 2005 I was admitted to the hospital for an induction. They wanted to induce me so that the cardiologists would be ready. Well, 2 days later and 15 hours of labor, oh ya and 4 hours of pushing JBS was brought into this world....... Blue, as a blueberry, dad got to cut the cord and through the ICU window my little boy went. About 10 minutes later. They opened the window and he was stable and I would be able to see him in a bit. It seemed like forever before I got to see him. But, soon the lifeflight people brought my little boy into me. I didn't get to hold him like every new mom gets too. I got to touch his little hand and smile at him. What I could see of him under all the tubes, machines, and wiring. But I got to see my little man.
Two weeks in the NICU and we got to go home. We got to enjoy our little boy at home for over a month until our next stone hit us......
Justin went in for a heart cathider. His Dr got behind and we had to wait for over two hours before we even saw him. I have to tell you that not feeding a little baby for like 4 hours. Things start going wrong. My poor baby tried to compensate for no food. He ended up having a blue spell his SATS droped from 85 to 40. My little boy was taken out of my hands and we were pushed out of the room. I felt like I was dreaming all these people running in and doing things to my little boy and I couldn't help. Have you ever been there? The place of helplessness. You want to scream, cry, take your child and just hold them. Make them leave him alone. (Wow I must be pregnant I am getting deep and emotional.) JB ended up in the ICU for a couple of days. Then a week later we came back for another cathider this time we didn't have to wait and he did ok. He did end up in the ICU for the night. We went home with the knowledge that we would be back in 3 days to have our first major heart surgery. WOW, I took lots of pictures, held him a lot, and made sure he knew his was loved. I knew I was handing my baby over to our Father in Heaven that day. Not the surgeon, the nurse, or the anesteshiologist(did ya get that). He was in my fathers care. I can't remeber how long the surgery lasted. But it seemed like an eternity. When I saw my little boy I cried but I was also smiling. He did wonders. He didn't look like himself. He was sleeping and they kept him that way. If I remember right he was in the hospital just a week. Wow we made it. He did wonderful for another year. I was so greatful for him, for being able to continue having him with me here on this earth.. He was the Joy of our Lifes.
Then came # 3...... One year later JB was doing wonderful. I started noticing blueness around his mouth. We went in and saw his cardiologist. Yep, I was right. He was having a hard time. He got put on Oxygen and we took him back the next week for a heart cathider. They had to put coils in his heart. I know that is hard to understand. After they did the first surgery his heart grew new blood vessels to compensate for what they had blocked and rerouted. So the coils block the blood and the vessels grow around coil. He did pretty good for about 4 months.
milestone # 4.......
JB did wonderful for another year and a half.. Then, the blueness started and things were just not right. His cardiologist decided that it was time for his next major surgery. We waited for the phone call. We recieved the phone call in July 2007. He would be going in for surgery in a couple of weeks. I have to tell you that we didn't think that this surgery would be so intense. Again, I gave my childs life into my Father in Heavens hands. 6 hrs later I finally got to see my baby. He wasn't my baby. It didn't look like him, I couldnt believe my eye. They couldn't get his heart working right so they decided to give him a pacemaker. Wow, he has a machine keeping him alive. He was in the ICU what seemed like FOREVER. It was forever actually. He started recovering and doing really well. He got put on the surgical floor for a bit and then soon I got to bring him home.
milestone # 5.... one night JB had a total meltdown. Sometimes when he does this he likes to hold his breath and pass out. We noticed he was just about to do this and he kept him awake and calmed him down. I started rocking him to sleep and noticed that his pulse was funny. I started feeling his heart. It would go Bump................bump,bump..........bump.....................bump,bump. I had Brett get the stethescope and we listened. What we heard was not good. I called my friend to come and check his pulse. Something was wrong. We rushed him up to PCMC. They couldn't detect anything. He was fine. So we brought him home and slept for the night. For about 5 days I argued with cardiologists that something was wrong. We would do pacer checks they would come back normal. I was going crazy.Finally they agreed to put JB on a heart monitor. So we took him up to PCMC. While there they decided to do a pacer check... and guess what... Mom's instinct was right. His pacemaker was broken. They did surgery the next day. He did wonderful. It was a major/minor surgery. I was greatful that I didn't give up on him and that I did fight for him. I was about ready to go sit in their office until someone would check him out. It was hard. again something I couldn't control. I was watching over him like a hawk.
Milestone #6..... We made it.. 5 years with a few trials. My boy is growing and I am taking it in every minute. I have to remind myself everyday that it may be his last or soon it will be. Even, though they gave him 30 yrs to live. What if something does happen. That is why going to Kindergarten is MAJOR...I am out of control, it is up to him, his instinct, his knowledge to let people know if he needs help. I am greatful for being his mother, for giving him life, I am so proud of my little guy. He is a blessing to us. I am glad that the lord sent him to me. But, I know my little guy can do this and he will be the best he can. He is not afraid of things, he is very strong willed, stubborn and will do what he wants. I know that will help him life.