So not ready.......

Well, I am almost done. 4 wks left but hey whose counting? I hope to have the bassinet up by the time this little one gets here. If not I will have to put her in the dresser or a box. I did get the laundry sorted by sizes today so I may have some clothes washed for her. They will probably be in a box too. I am so unorganized for this baby. I can't believe myself. I have never been this way. I was more ready for JB with the knowledge that he would be in the hospital for awhile. Anyways, I am really diappointed in myself.

I feel like I am running out of TIME.

People are always saying have Brett help you. HA.... do you know that he barely has time to play with the kids. He is so busy with work and school the kids need him more than me. We both were laughing today, we need to purchase a bigger vehicle or we can't go anywhere when the baby gets here. But, we don't know when, where, or if we will. He doesnt' have time.
You know all things you need when you get home from the hospital. I don't even have all of that. I know I am just going on and on. But, I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about this. I know people are tired of hearing of me and me complaining. But, I also don't want to tell them because then they will all be wanting to help. I am one that doesn't like to accept help and feel embarrassed when people come to my rescue. So I try to be a superwoman and do it all by myself.
I have been feeling really good lately. Come to find out that the baby is sitting on my right syatic nerve (sp). So I do understand why my right leg falls asleep more, pain shoots down it and it tingles alot. But, hey I would take that over all my other problems anyday.

FEARS.....
What are your fears when you are expecting? Are all mothers the same? I have had two neighbors deliever within the past two weeks and they have had problems with the umbelical cord(SP). So that is in my thoughts. I know the thought of dying is a common one that women have. This morning while showering I was thinking that I need to write letters to my kids, and to Brett. Just in case. So that they know that I love them, that I did all I could for them, so they will know my testimony, how greatful I am for them. To tell my daughters about all the hard times that will come their way. To tell JB just how special he is and that I am glad that he got to out live me. How they will have good days and bad. But stick together, stay close, we will be together for eternity. I need to tell Brett, how to do things, the way the kids like things, to keep our little family together. That he can remarry but to always remember me and to remind his next wife that I will always be first. Iwill fight for him. (if you know me I might haunt her away or something like that) Anyways, thats just one of my fears.
I think on the positive note my fear is that this baby will come and my house will be a disaster and I will not be ready. I will be so embarrassed for people to come. I just can't get on top of the whole thing. I need to just take it one day at a time. I feel ready physically and mentally. But, worldly I am soooooooo not. I just keep telling her that if she needs to come early to just give me until the end of the month so I can get things done. So that she doesn't have to come to this unorganized place.
But, it's like I have been telling Brett for the last month........................

READY OR NOT HER SHE COMES!