one of those eays...

Do you ever have one of those days? Mine was today. It wasn't hectic or crazy, just wierd. I woke up fine after a night of eventful dreams. Which I have every night and that is beside the point. I got JB off to school and got MK some breakfast. A normal routine. I had been dosing on and off on the couch and decided to get up and get ready. I had had so much energy yesterday I was hoping today would be the same. NO luck. It was aweful. I have had this happen before. But it just throws me off so bad it makes me mad. I started feeling this haze coming over me. I felt like I was walking in a tunnel. I am exuasted. I almost feel like I am dreaming and can't wake up. This bothers me because it is what my mom use to describe when she talked about her depression. I dont like to talk about it. I don't want to ever get there. It was a hard time on our family. My mom doesn't really remember my childhood.(my dad says I am more and more like her everyday). I can't do that to my little ones. I do have depression and I take stuff for it. I have my good days and my bad. This was just a really bad day. But, this is a horrible feeling. I am mean, onery, and tired. I want to just sleep. It only happens once in awhile. My head hurts, I can't thinks straight, I am dizzy. its just crazy. (don't worry Becky the kids were ok) I try to drink water thinking I am dehydrated, I try to listen to calming music, I just try to relax all day. I am not posting this to scare you or make people think I am crazy. I just need to get it out. I don't even know if it has anything to do with my depression. I just have them once in awhile. I want to overcome all this and change but how does one do this. Trust me I have been to the counseling, the drs, etc. I am in a far better place than I was 11 years ago. (thats a story for another day)
I have had this feeling of heaviness on my shoulders lately. I need to get everything done NOW>... clean, cook, be frugal, teach my kids better, get a stronger testimony, Brett's gone, kids taken care of, moving, jobs, money, all this and more on my mind. I want to take my house and just get rid of things. I am feeling overwhelmed with all this clutter, junk, no place to put it all. AHHHHHH.... I guess that needed to come out.
well, I am sorry for all of you who read this. I guess this should of gone in my journal. but now you know deep inside my mind and you all know I am crazy. But, at the end of the day or in the middle I just kneel down and say a little prayer. because I know the lord is there for me and will get me through each day and each moment.