An Inadequate Mother

So about a month ago I wrote a blog about how horrible my house was. How I was feeling like an awful mother, mom, wife, housekeeper. Well, I finally got some help. I had a break down at a friends house. She was nice to listen to me and she told me that she would like to help but couldn't help me. (she wasn't being mean.) I had told her that Brett's work offered free counseling for him and family members. She encouraged me to make that phone call. So I made the phone call. I was nervous but I felt so good after I made the phone call. The following week I went to my appointment. It was nice to talk to someone that wouldn't judge me and knew how to talk things out with me. She pointed out that I was being really hard on myself. That I needed to stop being that way and just be me and be the best I could be. She also said that I am more depressed than I realized. So I am getting help with a psychiatrist.

Then that week in Relief Society the lesson was on feeling like an inadequate mother. I was so excited to read and hear about this. There was some really good comments. I agreed with a lot of them. Us as stay at home moms compare ourselves with other moms around us. (I know I do.) Not good.... we are our own person. We should be able to be the mother that we choose and not worry about being judged. (I am totally going to eat these words)

Another thing I have noticed about myself that I have been lashing out at my kids really bad. I was being really ornery. So I talked to my counselor about that. She taught me how to work through that. I have noticed a few things that I do were similar to things that my mom was with me as a child and I had promised myself I wouldn't be like that. I got this quote from my sister-in-laws mom. " Everyday I work to be the person I am and not the person I really am." She is someone I would like to look up to she has changed for the better. I need to talk to her more to know how she did it. But, I am going to take that quote with me everywhere. I would love to be a better person. Not only to my family, but to my friends and my neighbors and other people I associate with.
So why am I writing this just because. I am showing you how my house finally turned out after cleaning it. It was a family effort. The kids were very good helpers. I actually have all the laundry done. The towels won't fit into the cupboard, MK's drawers are so full that there isn't any room for the rest of her clothes. I feel satisfied, happy, and amazed. Now I can keep up on it and be able to do the things that I want to do. Like; scrap booking, crafting, photography, and family history. I know I am able to keep up with everything. I am so excited to get things done.

kids room: you can see the floor, Toy room: is all clean,

Front room: well, it's cleaner, but we live in this room.

Hall: look no laundry.

I didn't get a kitchen picture, but all the dishes are done and it's clean. I will tell why in another post.