It's been Awhile....

Here I am sitting up late at night I should be asleep or cleaning. (since I will have a house full of people tomorrow.) Oh well!!! I am just thinking. I know I haven't thought for a long time. I got a new phone and I don't need the computer anymore. But, I do. I need a place to write my thoughts and actions. We have a had some crazy couple of months and the next couple are going to be just as crazy.

So when I last wrote my Grandpa wasn't doing very well... He still isn't but he is still with us. He would like to be taken out and left under a cedar tree like the Indians use to do. But, we can't really do that. My mom's mom is still here. She isn't really all here. She has demension (spelling). So she doesn't even know who she is, where she is, or who we are. Brett's 98 year old grandma passed away last night. I am writing my thoughts on here because all his cousins keep posting on FB and his dad gets very upset. Anyway, she was an amazing person. I only knew her for 8 years but what I have learned about her she is an amazing women. She left her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids an amazing legacy to follow or to learn about.

I have been getting some help with my depression and all that goes with it. I have discovered a NEW me. I am still working on it and I have noticed that I have been happier and I am not afraid of things, people anymore. The only comment I have had through all this was that I was told to just stop taking my meds. Some people don't understand depression.... and they never will. But you would never tell someone to stop taking their blood pressure meds, or diabetic meds. She will never understand. I just said well if you don't want me to end up in a mental institute or you don't want my kids to have a mother then I could...... that's all I have to say about that for now.

The kids are growing and getting older so fast. I can't believe it. My baby is 9 months. I am just amazed. she is trying to crawl. The other two keep me busy and I will write more about them next time. They have had birthdays, kindergarten graduation, and FUN!!!!

We will be moving within the next couple of months. I am scared to death!!!!!! I am entering the real world. My kids are not going to have the safety net we have around here. I won't have that safety net. I am scared to have to make new friends, try to fit in, I am scared for my kids. Who will they play with? Who will I play with? I have always thought that when Brett was done with school we would move back home and enjoy life living in a small town. But, my dreams are not happening right now. We have to go where the jobs are and there ain't a job down there for him. I just keep praying and hoping something will open up. (yes, that is my sanpete slang coming back.) There is so much to say and not enough time. JA will be waking up to eat soon. Silly little thing thinks her mother is her binki. I will write soon I promise........