RANDOM THOUGHTS.......
I have so many things going on in my head I don't even know where to start. I have about an hour for myself today. JA is having caps put on her teeth. Ya she is only 18 months and her teeth are decaying. This is really how I feel. I am dammed if I don't and dammed if I do. Why do I feel that way? Well, it is because I nursed her at night and was her binki. Yes, I was bad. I think back to when I first had her and I know why she was so attached to my boobs. I would nurse her every time she cried. DUH on my part. It was just the quick fix and I wasn't even thinking. I don't know what happened to me that first year she was born. I think I was in another world.
Any who... That is what we are doing today

Have you ever sat in a hospital? I am sure many of you have. I am a people watcher. I love to see the little kids and wonder why they are here. What kind of medical condition they have. Like today there was a little boy with a deformed hand so he was getting it reconstructed. a little girl with a lazy eye, and another who was there to get her tonsils out. Aren't kids amazing though. They have so much energy and life. I love to watch my kids and any others they make me smile. (I am not a bad person watching them am I)

Isn't it amazing how one day without prayer or scripture study can make a difference in your life. So I am going to admit. I have known this for a long time that it can make our (my) life so much better. So , I challenged myself this past week to read and pray night and day. I am going to admit something that I have only told a few people. I have never read the BOM. Yes, I said and I will not deny my feeling of guilt and unhappiness. It has taken me this long to do this. I have no excuses I am just lazy. I was talking with two of my friends about a year ago both converts. They were talking about the church and how they couldn't understand the members that have been members their whole lives and never read the BOM. This has been on my mind ever since. I also have been having questions and concerns. (no I am not doubting or leaving the church) so I know where I need to find them and know what I need to do. I am going to try to blog about my journey. My Journey getting closer to Christ.
I need to go JA is done. I know she is not going to be a happy little girl and I need to be right there with her.